I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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