Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
