I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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