if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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