I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
