I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
