I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize