so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
