she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
