A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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