He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
