We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
