So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
