I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
