You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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