please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
