About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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