The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you never un-have a 4some
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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