and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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