I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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