i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
