I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
