she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
