I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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