I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
