Jerry, you need to find god
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she told me i tasted like america
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
