i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
