I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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