Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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