I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
