he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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