you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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