all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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