i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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