I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
