i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
