So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
