I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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