Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
