I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
