After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
