oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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