Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
