hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
