Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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