you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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