I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
