hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
