So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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