nut hugger
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
