i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
