how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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