He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
