Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
