Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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