I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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