Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
