I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
