she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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