You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
